April 03, 2006

You Can Never Be Too Rich, Or Have Too Many Pants

by peterb

It started, as it always does, with a random connection, a set of neurons in my brain that misfired in an amusing way.

Someone was talking about how someone they knew was wearing hideous pants. The word "hideous" made me think of a book by the execrable C.S. Lewis (yes, the Narnia one) called That Hideous Strength. This book is about the Asskicking Jesus. Earth is under threat from space aliens, so the Asskicking Jesus flies to Mars to beat them up until they stop.

No, really. That's what the book is about. I swear. God, I really hate C.S. Lewis.

Anyway, one thing led to another, and before I knew it, I had blurted out, as if it were the title of a book, "THOSE HIDEOUS PANTS". And we were off to the races. We changed the rules about halfway through, but it doesn't really matter. Even though we've done this before, it's still pure comedy gold.

Enjoy, and as always, feel free to add your own.

    65. C.S. Lewis, THOSE HIDEOUS PANTS [peterb]

    64. A STRANGER IN STRANGE PANTS [fpereira]

    63. THE MAN FROM P.A.N.T.S. [peterb]

    62. CONSIDER CHINOS [fpereira]

    61. THE USE OF PANTS [fpereira]

    60. THE LEFT PANTS OF DARKNESS [goob]

    59. DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC PANTS ? [shafeeq]

    58. BRAVE NEW PANTS [fpereira]

    57. THE SHAPE OF PANTS TO COME [fpereira]

    56. I HAVE NO PANTS, BUT I MUST DRESS [psu]

    55. PANTS NINE FROM OUTER SPACE [sdavis]

    54. THE PANTS OF NAVARRONE [shafeeq]

    53. FORBIDDEN TROUSER [peterb]

    52. A STRANGER IN SOME STRANGE PANTS [goob]

    51. SUEDE RUNNER [mahim]

    50. PANTS ATTACK ! [shafeeq]

    49. METROPOPANTS [sdavis]

    48. PANTS-in-the-Mist [baird]

    47. PANTS ON A PLANE [sdavis]

    46. SOMETHING PANTSLESS THIS WAY COMES [goob]

    45. PANTSLAND [tomault]

    44. THE PANTS OF CTHULHU [tomault]

    43. THE PANTS MACHINE [goob]

    42. MURDER IN THE RUE PANTS [sdavis]

    41. SLACKERS [baird]

    40. THE REDISCOVERY OF PANTS [psu]

    39. THE DREAM QUEST OF UNKNOWN PANTS [shafeeq]

    38. LIKE WATER FOR GAUCHOS [peterb]

    37. THE MAN IN THE IRON DOCKERS [agroce]

    36. PANTS AND PREJUDICE [sdavis]

    35. A CLOCKWORK KHAKI [peterb]

    34. STAR WARS, EPISODE V: THE GAP STRIKES BACK [peterb]

    33. PANTZER BLITZ. [baird]

    32. THE ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS PANTS [norm.z]

    31. CAT IN NO PANTS [sdavis]

    30. THE MAN WITH NO PANTS [shafeeq]

    29. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a pair of jeans hugging a human ass -- forever. [peterb]

    28. SHORTSCUTS [goob]

    27. PANTSLESS IN SEATTLE. [baird]

    26. "Call me Levi." [peterb]

    25. "My god, it's full of pants!" [sdavis]

    24. "As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into a giant zipper." [peterb]

    23. "They were the best of pants. They were the worst of pants." [tomault]

    22. "Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover denim." [peterb]

    21. "You can wear pants if you want to, you can leave your pants behind. But if you wear pants, and your friends wear pants, then you're no pants of mine" [sdavis]

    20. "Of all the pants in the world, she had to walk into mine" [shafeeq]

    19. Little Lord Corduroy. [baird]

    18. "In the beginning was the Slack." [peterb]

    17. "Midway upon the road of our life I found myself within some dark pants," [goob]

    16. Young CalvinKlein [baird]

    15. Doogie Trouser, M.D. [rlink]

    14. Weathering Tights [baird]

    13. Crocodile Dungarees [rlink]

    12. The Clother [baird]

    11. "Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by poor pants." [peterb]

    10. Merry Pantless, Mr. Lawrence [baird]

    9. "I say God damn, God damn the Pedal-Pusher man." [rlink]

    8. Someone must have been telling lies about Josef K., he knew he had done nothing wrong but, one morning, he was pantsed. [tmwong]

    7. I pantsed a man in Reno, just to watch him dress. [agroce]

    6. Little Pants, Big Pants [baird]

    5. Big Trousers in Little Chinos-town [rlink]

    4. THE FLY [psu]

    3. THE FLY: REOPENED [psu]

    2. The Good, the Plaid and the Ugly. [baird]

    1. PANTS: INTERRUPTED [psu]

Posted by peterb at April 3, 2006 09:19 PM | Bookmark This
Comments

The whole Dune series is ripe:

Pants
Pants Messiah
Children of Pants
God Emperor of Pants
...

Posted by Chris Winters at April 3, 2006 09:49 PM

Das Pant

Posted by Mark Denovich at April 3, 2006 09:51 PM

Waders of the Lost Ark
Invasion of the Khaki Snatchers
Becoming Culottes
Once Upon a Time in Chinos
Blue Velvet Pants
Steven Seagal is: Underpants Siege


"I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his pants. He won it by making the other poor bastard die for his pants." - Gen. Pantton.

Posted by Adam Rixey at April 3, 2006 10:57 PM

How Stella got her Pants Back
Riding in Cars with Pants
Vanilla Pants
Hunt for the Red Pants

Posted by --- at April 4, 2006 10:09 AM

Dude, Where's My Pants?

Dial M For Pants

I love the smell of pants in the morning. Smells like victory.

One in the pants is worth two in the bush.

Don't count your chickens before they're pants.

Monty Python's Flying Pants

Rocky Horror Picture Pants

Posted by Phil at April 4, 2006 01:18 PM

Some Poe...

Fall of the House of Pants
Tell-tale Pants
Pants of the Red Death

Posted by Neil at April 4, 2006 02:08 PM

I like those "Tell-tale Pants", it sounds so... evocative.

Posted by Herr Krufers at April 4, 2006 02:32 PM

The Mote in God's Pants
Nine Princes in Jodhpurs
Speaker for the Denims
The Cutoffs of Our Discontent
The Once and Future Bell Bottoms
The Canterbury Skivvies
Brave New Hotpants
Capris Courageous
Jurassic Pantaloons
On the Y-Front
The Handmaid's Bloomers
If on a Winter's Night Some Culottes
Uncle Tom's Chaps
Dungareenetics
Knickeronomicon
Rise and Fall of the Roman Pants

"So we beat on, pants against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the dryer"
"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether the station will be held by anybody else, these lederhosen must show."
"I will not be pantsed, fit, stripped, costumed, briefed, debriefed, or haberdashed. I am not a clothes horse. I AM A FREE MAN!"
"Take some more pants," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly. "I have no pants yet," Alice replied in an offended tone: "so I ca'n't take more." "You mean you ca'n't take less," said the Hatter: "it's very easy to take more than no pants."

Posted by Tim F at April 4, 2006 03:07 PM

The Joy of Pants.

Posted by Doug at April 4, 2006 04:03 PM

Hold your pants. Just what's so execrable about Lewis?

Posted by Alex Groce at April 4, 2006 07:34 PM

I mean -- I can understand hating _That Hideous Strength_ (though I thought it was about Merlin kicking the asses of evil scientists, with Jesus pretty seriously off stage, but my memory may be faulty), which is hardly his best book. But there's really little reason to hate Lewis even if he wrote a few off books, unless you're a thin-skinned prick stunting for publicity like Pullman, who should (and could) stand on the merits of his own writing.

Posted by Alex Groce at April 4, 2006 07:44 PM

As usual, Alex completely misses the core point of the exercise, and gets off on some tangent driven by his own sense of personal offense.

Hint: no one cares about C.S. Lewis.

Also...

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and His Pants

Posted by psu at April 4, 2006 10:48 PM

The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Pants

Posted by zp at April 5, 2006 11:20 AM

Also popular with the grad students, "A spectre is haunting Europe - the spectre of Pants."

Posted by zp at April 5, 2006 11:26 AM

So, going back to all this Lewis-hating business, how about "The Pant, the Iron and the Wardrobe"?
íThat title finally makes sense!

Posted by Herr Krufers at April 6, 2006 08:37 AM

To Pants a Mockingbird
It's a Pants Pants Pants Pants World
Pants by Pantswest
Wizard of Pants
Pants Without a Cause
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Pantser

Posted by Nougat at April 7, 2006 03:13 PM

Great material. Don't forget the classic by Andy Overalls' Velvet Underpants: I'm Waiting for My Pants.

Posted by jean05 at April 15, 2006 12:23 AM

I find your lack of pants disturbing...

Posted by untulis at April 16, 2006 11:06 PM

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