August 08, 2006

The Cars Make the Man

by peterb

What we drive speaks volumes about us. But sometimes, the message that we think we're giving off isn't the message everyone hears.

The Car The Owner Thinks Everyone Else Thinks
Any minivan "I am a responsible mother, dedicated to the safety of my children." "These annoying breeders are everywhere."
Any SUV "I am not driving a minivan. See this car? Not a minivan. It cost twice as much, because it is definitely not a minivan." "Great. Now the really stupid breeders are everywhere too."
Toyota Prius "I care about the environment" "If he really cared about the environment, he'd be using public transit."
Honda Element "How come the guy in the Prius is getting dates with all the hippie chicks?" "Clowns are scary."
BMW Z3 "Ahhhh, German engineering." "You are driving a chick car."
Porsche Boxster "I am sporty, yet sophisticated." "He couldn't afford a Porsche 911"
Porsche 911 "I have an 8 inch penis." "He is bald."
Ferrari 360 Modena "I don't care what you think of me, because my trophy wife is 40 years younger than me." "I got nothin'."
Camaro "I'm gonna go down to Donzi's tonight and score." "I thought dinosaurs were extinct."
Ford Escort/Focus "I am economical." "He is cheap."
Subaru WRX "Check out my Rallisport style!" "At least he doesn't have those spinning hubcaps."

Feel free to add entries in the comments as appropriate.

P.S.: On one final note, I couldn't find a place for the Porsche Cayenne in this table, because I can't imagine what anyone who buys it could possibly be thinking. But I just wanted to assure all of you Cayenne owners out there: the rest of us think you're utter cocks.

P.P.S.: I humped your hummer (via green la girl).

Posted by peterb at August 8, 2006 11:11 PM | Bookmark This

Hmmm... I'd go bald in exchange for a porsche 911.

Posted by Doug at August 8, 2006 11:54 PM

I thought a Mazda Miata was a "chick car". Only without the German Engineering part.

Posted by Adam Vandenberg at August 9, 2006 12:04 AM

Actually, the Miata is a brilliant racing machine cleverly disguised as a chick car. Whereas the Z3 is just girly.

Posted by peterb at August 9, 2006 12:40 AM

So what do you drive, peterb? :)

Posted by green la girl at August 9, 2006 12:04 PM

It's obvious from the table that Peter is looking for a new car but can not decide between Toyota's (and GM's) recently announced (leaked) plug-in hybrid and the Ferrari.

Posted by Jay at August 9, 2006 02:05 PM

Bah; I bought a slate Gray Mazda 6 because I thought it was a combination of sportiness and practicality. I didn't realize it meant that I really desired to hide among the crowd and never be detected.

Posted by Mike Collins at August 9, 2006 07:14 PM

I would have thought that my infamous stinginess would make it obvious that I own an ancient beat-up Ford Escort.

In my defense, though, when I decided to buy it my other car was a BMW motorcycle.

Posted by peterb at August 10, 2006 11:05 AM

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